Daddy retired in May of 1995. He turned 65 in July! He was ready for a well deserved break from many years of grueling work. Unfortunately he wasn't feeling well. After some tests, the doctors told him he had leukemia. He died in March of 1996, less than a year after he retired.
The professionals say you go through stages of grief. I supposed that's true. Some say there are five stages, others say there are seven, I have even seen a list of ten stages! The first stage is "Denial". That stage started with me as soon as they told me Daddy was sick! It simply couldn't be happening! I didn't even visit him as much as I know I should have during that last year ... why? In my mind, he just wasn't sick! On some of the "Grief Lists" is the word "Guilt" ... you better believe I went through that one! Actually I still wrestle with guilt feelings. I remind myself they are guilt "feelings", because guilt itself cannot be present where "forgiveness" has taken place. If I am "forgiven" I am no longer "guilty". I like to think Daddy forgave me. I trust family and friends found it in their hearts to forgive me. I know God forgave me. The only person left to forgive me ... was me! There is the old saying, "Forgive & Forget". I suppose I went through all the "stages" of grief and finally found "Acceptance", but I simply can't "forget"! I don't believe we ever do! If we "forget" about our mistakes, what's to prevent us from repeating them?
David said in Psalm 51:3 "For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me." Here's the weird part ... he kept repeating them! Paul did too! Remember what he said in Romans 7:24 "O wretched man that I am! ... " . Guess what? I repeat my sins too!! What's wrong with us? Thank God for His abundant Grace to FORGIVE! God help me to forgive and accept forgiveness!
The professionals say you go through stages of grief. I supposed that's true. Some say there are five stages, others say there are seven, I have even seen a list of ten stages! The first stage is "Denial". That stage started with me as soon as they told me Daddy was sick! It simply couldn't be happening! I didn't even visit him as much as I know I should have during that last year ... why? In my mind, he just wasn't sick! On some of the "Grief Lists" is the word "Guilt" ... you better believe I went through that one! Actually I still wrestle with guilt feelings. I remind myself they are guilt "feelings", because guilt itself cannot be present where "forgiveness" has taken place. If I am "forgiven" I am no longer "guilty". I like to think Daddy forgave me. I trust family and friends found it in their hearts to forgive me. I know God forgave me. The only person left to forgive me ... was me! There is the old saying, "Forgive & Forget". I suppose I went through all the "stages" of grief and finally found "Acceptance", but I simply can't "forget"! I don't believe we ever do! If we "forget" about our mistakes, what's to prevent us from repeating them?
David said in Psalm 51:3 "For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me." Here's the weird part ... he kept repeating them! Paul did too! Remember what he said in Romans 7:24 "O wretched man that I am! ... " . Guess what? I repeat my sins too!! What's wrong with us? Thank God for His abundant Grace to FORGIVE! God help me to forgive and accept forgiveness!